


An Event in Space-Time

by RoseCathy



Category: Red Dwarf
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-31
Updated: 2016-02-22
Packaged: 2018-05-17 10:02:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,444
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5864944
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RoseCathy/pseuds/RoseCathy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lister/Todhunter schmoop in a pre-/no-accident AU. <a href="http://archiveofourown.org/users/Janamelie/pseuds/Janamelie">Janamelie</a> planted the idea in my head and I couldn’t let go of it!<br/>Also inspired by <a href="http://archiveofourown.org/users/felineranger/pseuds/felineranger">felineranger</a>’s excellent <a href="http://archiveofourown.org/series/385654">Todster Files</a>.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

_It started with a kiss._ It was a corny line, albeit acceptable to curious wedding guests.

Lister stroked his new husband’s hair and smiled at the memory of their first real meeting. It had in fact started with a beer, but no one except the parties involved needed to know.

-

Lister didn’t want to keep checking how much time had passed since Kochanski had ended their relationship, but he couldn’t stop his eyes going to the clock. It was like a sickness, or perhaps a reassurance mechanism. _Three weeks, four days, one hour, twenty-nine minutes. Yep, life smegging sucks._ After every such affirmation, he ordered and downed a pint. Check, order, drink. Repeat.

At about five drinks in, his calculations began to wobble, not because of the beer but because of a scene which was playing out on the other side of the bar: his bunkmate, tête-à-tête in the most sickening way with Yvonne McGruder. So they’d patched things up, then. Worked through the misunderstandings and “Why didn’t _you_ call first”s. Well, good. Good for them. Good for Rimmer, who had escaped with an intact heart despite being the biggest smeghead in the galaxy, whereas his heart - it didn’t bear thinking about.

 _Three weeks, four days, two hours…a few minutes._

“Smeghead!” he muttered.

“What a shame,” said a cheery voice near his ear. “I was just about to buy you a drink.”

Most of Lister’s pint splashed over his outstretched arm and onto the speaker’s shirt. His eyebrows drew together as he turned and tried to ascertain whose laundry costs he’d be responsible for. _T-o-b-_ no, _d-h…oh._ “Todhunter?”

“Guilty.”

“Sorry, man, I - ” Lister remembered to put his glass down before he started gesturing. “I was light-years away.”

“It’s all right, Dave,” Todhunter laughed. “It was my fault for sneaking up on you. Let me get you a replacement.”

Lister eyed him curiously. Todhunter being friendly to him wasn’t new; they exchanged conspiratorial looks behind Rimmer’s back almost daily. Still, he was hardly among Lister’s usual drinking buddies. “You don’t need to do that.”

“No, please, I insist.” Seconds later, a fresh pint had materialised and Todhunter was raising a hand in farewell. “See you around, Dave.”

“Wait.” Lister wasn’t sure what compelled him to say it. The best explanation he could have given, if pressed, was that he’d seen a look in Todhunter’s eyes — something soft and slightly sad clouding the usual piercing blue. “Wait. Stay and have a drink with me.”

  


Although Todhunter had had meticulousness drummed into him since boarding school, he understood that occasional spontaneity didn’t do any harm. Seeing Lister sat alone at the bar, looking for all the world like a sad puppy, had been as good a cause for it as any.

He liked Lister. He’d known for some time that what he felt was more than just sympathy for someone who had to work with Rimmer, but he’d initially put it down to a desire to venture beyond the Officers’ Club for socialising. Even on a ship as large as Red Dwarf, one sometimes felt at a loss for truly good companionship.

He’d found his frustration climbing to frightening levels as he watched Lister first pining after Kochanski, then succeeding at getting a date, then being chucked weeks later. Only then had it occurred to him that the way his breath caught at the sight of Lister’s smile (so rare these days) was a symptom of something deeper.

While he couldn’t blame Lister for not taking much notice of him, he did blame himself for being too wary to initiate anything even though he had relatively little to lose.

“So what’s up with you?”

“Sorry?” 

Lister checked the clock again and gulped down his latest drink. “I’m not being funny, but this isn’t your kind of place, is it? You having some sort of crisis?”

“I do come here from time to time, actually.” _A bit more often than that lately_ , Todhunter thought sheepishly, trying to shift his gaze away from Lister’s mouth. “And you looked like you could use some company.”

“Yeah.” Lister shrugged moodily. “Thought the same about you.”

“You’re very perceptive.” A little too perceptive, in fact. Todhunter raised his glass to cover his unease.

They sat mostly in silence for the next two hours, Todhunter wondering why Lister kept looking at the clock, Lister sinking ever more deeply into his morose drunkenness. When the latter lowered his head to the bar with an alarmingly loud crunch, Todhunter decided to take action. “You should get home, Dave. Get some sleep.”

“Eh?” 

“Normally, I would ask Rimmer to take you home, but he’s…” A quick glance over his shoulder confirmed what he’d suspected. “…er, indisposed. I’ll walk with you, if you don’t mind.”

“Boss idea,” Lister mumbled.

“Excellent. Come on, up you get.”

Once inside his quarters, Lister lunged toward the bunks, miraculously without hurting himself, but stopped short of falling into the bottom bunk. “Rimmer’s gonna go mad,” he slurred.

“Sorry?”

“If I fall asleep on his bed. He’ll yell.”

“I’m sure he won’t mind just this once.”

“Oh, he’ll mind,” Lister said with an emphatic nod. “He’ll mind.”

Todhunter considered the remaining options. Lister could be helped into the top bunk, but what if he needed to throw up? A cascade of vomit over the side wouldn’t go over well with Rimmer either. The chairs by the window didn’t look big enough to sleep in, and as for the floor…

“Listen, Dave. I know this is a bit, well, out of the ordinary.” Todhunter took a deep, bracing breath. As desperate as his suggestion might seem, he felt that it was down to him to make sure Lister wouldn’t turn up dead in the morning. “Would you like to come back to mine?”

Lister looked blankly up at him, head cocked at an owl-like angle. “Yours?”

“Yes. I’ve got a proper sofa, you see, so you’d have a comfortable place to sleep it off.”

“Yeah.” It wasn’t clear if Lister understood, but he seemed happy enough to allow Todhunter to steer him back into the corridor.

As they approached the door to Todhunter’s quarters, Lister suddenly laughed and grabbed his arm. “Hey, this is weird. It’s like - it’s like you’re my date or something,” he giggled. “Are we on a date?”

“Maybe some other time, when you’re more awake,” Todhunter replied lightly. He found Lister adorable even in a state of advanced inebriation. “Here we are.”

Lister fell asleep as soon as he hit the mattress. After ensuring that he was lying on this side, facing the room and with a towel and bucket near his head, Todhunter folded himself into the confines of the sofa and reflected on the evening.

It had been nice. He’d kept a firm hand on Lister’s shoulder throughout their travels — a necessary measure, since Lister was far from steady on his feet, but he hadn’t minded the closeness. Nor did he object to having Lister’s snores as a lullaby. Surprisingly, the noise did nothing to disrupt the lovely thoughts about the warmth of that compact body against his.

  


Lister’s panic at waking up in an unfamiliar place didn’t last long. As soon as he opened his eyes, it seemed, Todhunter was at his side, proffering a glass of water. “Good morning.”

“What day is it?” he croaked.

Todhunter chuckled. “Don’t worry, you’re not about to be reported again. It’s Saturday.”

Lister looked around the room a few times as he drank. It was much bigger and brighter than his; he’d expected that. His current location, however…“You didn’t have to give up your bed, man. Thanks.”

“It was my pleasure.” Todhunter paused and inhaled, like he was on the verge of saying more, but he stopped himself and changed tack. “Would you like some toast?”

It was like being in an alternate universe. Lister leaned back on fluffy pillows to eat breakfast, which had been served to him on a tray, while Todhunter sat opposite him and made pleasant small talk. Finally, when he couldn’t take the curiosity any longer, Lister sat up straighter and looked Todhunter in the eye. “Remember what I said last night? About this being like a date?”

“I…yes,” Todhunter admitted. “I’m surprised that _you_ remember.”

“Well, was it?”

If Todhunter was surprised by the question, he didn’t let it show on his face. “I suppose not technically, but if I’m honest, I - I would have liked it to be.”

“Ah.”

“I didn’t know whether I had any chance at all, if you see what I mean, because I’ve never bothered to ask. When you asked me to stay, I thought there might be some hope.” He said all of this calmly, without being overly bashful. Lister was impressed at his directness.

“The thing is,” he said with a bit more delicacy, “I’ve never fancied - I mean, I’ve never really thought about blokes that way.”

“I see.”

“And even if I had, I have just…you know.”

“You don’t have to explain, Dave.” Lister felt a little pang at the gentleness in those words. “I know the facts.”

“I think everyone on the ship does.”

“Oh, they’ll move on to another topic soon enough,” Todhunter said more briskly. “Thanks, Dave. I’m glad we had this talk. It’s certainly cleared up a few things for me.”

There it was again, the hint of a cloud over the blue. Most improbably, Lister’s heart started to beat a little bit faster as Todhunter unfolded his long limbs and stood up.

“Although,” he began with no notion of what would follow.

“Yes?”

“I mean…” _It hurts. It hurts every day and I want it to stop._ “There’s no reason why we couldn’t.”

He had to strain to see it, but it was definitely there — the hint of a flush on Todhunter’s cheeks. “Why we couldn’t indulge me, you mean?”

“Yeah.” Lister squared his shoulders. He’d come to a decision, albeit in a millisecond, and he was going to stick to it. “I’m lonely, you’re lonely, so why not?”

  


Underneath Todhunter’s calm exterior, his head was spinning. “That’s kind of you, Dave, but I don’t want to make you do anything you don’t want to do,” he said quickly for the sake of speaking. He didn’t know what might spill out of his mouth otherwise.

“As I said,” Lister replied softly, “why not? It doesn’t have to be official or anything. It’s just - a thing. Something to do.”

 _…to make me forget about Kochanski once in awhile_ , the unspoken end of the sentence reverberated in Todhunter’s mind. This wasn’t exactly what he wanted; he’d rather have had Lister come to him enthusiastically instead of in this state of deep hurt and vulnerability. But how could he refuse the chance to make his fantasies come to life? 

How could he have thought of saying no to this - _this_ , Lister taking his outstretched hand, rising from the bed, and almost knocking him backwards with an experimental kiss?

  


Lister thought it was funny how far Todhunter had to bend to kiss him. That was the first thing he laughed about. The second was the deliberateness with which his clothes were removed.

“I won’t break, you know.” His teasing words echoed in the cavernous bathroom. “I get in loads of fights.”

“I don’t doubt it,” Todhunter replied with his shy crooked smile. Lister decided he liked it very much. “All the more reason to take care when you’re not fighting.”

They stood together in the comforting warmth and steam of the shower, not really touching, until Todhunter placed a hand under his chin to tilt it upward. It was quite tame as caresses went, but it awakened something — the heady rush of being desired, perhaps, which he hadn’t felt in _three weeks, five, or maybe four, days and -_

Before he could stop and consider further, he’d stepped forward into the arms that kept him upright while he experimented to his heart’s content with the slippery flesh under his hands and the firm body pressed against his.

  


_It was the best of times, it was the worst of times…_ Overused though the quotation was, Todhunter couldn’t think of anything more apt for Lister’s fluctuating moods.

In the best of times, they shared so many glances, winks, and grins during the day that he didn’t understand why no one noticed. On those days he and Lister strived to get away to his quarters whenever there was a gap in either of their schedules, and more often than not managed at least a pleasant fifteen minutes.

“Don’t bother,” Lister had whispered on one such afternoon, steering him away from the bed. “Just here…yeah.” His belt buckle had clanged annoyingly against the edge of the table the whole time — a stark contrast to the soft moans and pleased sighs in his ear.

He’d relaxed in that position afterwards, had actually been on the verge of nodding off before Lister had poked him and complained of a crushed ribcage and organs.

In the worst of times, it was all he could do not to descend to the depth of despair to which Lister had sunk. The trouble, he thought, was that Lister tended to wait too long, allowing his feelings of hopelessness and inadequacy to dominate for hours before seeking out his company, but he never said so.

He’d been woken up one Saturday morning by a resolute knocking on his door. Any reluctance on his part had disappeared as soon as he’d clapped eyes on his visitor. “Hi, Dave.” 

“Hi, Frank.” Lister had tried to put on a face to match Todhunter’s — warm, sunny, welcoming. A wobbly smile was the best he could manage. “I just thought I’d…I mean, I was feeling…”

They’d ended up on the bed with the sheets tangled around their legs. Lister had hidden his face in Todhunter’s shoulder and intermittently fumbled for absent cigarettes; Todhunter hadn’t felt inclined to leave the bed to fetch them from across the room.

“I still think about her sometimes,” he’d confessed out of the blue and out of context.

“Who?”

“My fiancée. Well, my ex-fiancée.”

“You’ve never mentioned her.”

“I try to avoid the topic.” Lister had looked up at him with troubled eyes, and he’d hastened to clarify: “It was a lifetime ago, before Red Dwarf.” It had been _because_ of his coming to Red Dwarf, putting a four-and-a-half-year chasm between them, but there was no need to get into that now.

  


When Lister looked in the mirror for the first time in - longer than he could remember, he realised he was doing it because he wanted to look nice for that evening’s tryst with Todhunter.

 _My secret lover._ Looking himself in the eye, he admitted to himself, also for the first time, that he’d signed on for the thrill as much as anything else. He loved the little stolen moments, the challenge of keeping encounters quiet and brief when necessary. The sneaking around on the now-rare occasions when Rimmer paid attention to his comings and goings. The increasingly creative excuses he made to Petersen, Chen, and Selby, who took turns bellowing “Who is she?” at his retreating back.

Todhunter, on the other hand…he’d never asked for a change from the status quo. He clearly enjoyed some aspects of the secrecy, the thrill and the longing and all that. Lister knew, however, that he’d wanted something more normal from the start.

“I wish you didn’t have to leave,” he sometimes said quietly as Lister left his bed. “It’s so…”

“What?”

“Never mind. Same time tomorrow?”

On those days, Lister lingered on the goodbye kiss as if it could make up for everything else.

“What the smeg are you doing, Lister?”

Lister glared at Rimmer through the mirror, his meditation disrupted. “What’s it look like?”

“Highly suspicious behaviour, at least for you,” Rimmer retorted. “I haven’t seen you preening like that in ages. It’s almost - oh, forget it.”

“Almost what?” Lister demanded.

“Almost like you’re going on a date with Kochanski. Lister, please tell me you’re not back with her again.”

 _A date._ Lister noticed that the mention of Kochanski no longer made him flinch.

“I had enough of your mooning and slobbering over her last time, and if I - ”

“I am going on a date, as it happens,” he blurted out.

Rimmer’s nostrils flared amusingly. “Not actually with Kochanski, though, surely?”

“Nope.”

“Who then?”

“That would be telling.”

“Who is it, Lister?”

“That’s for me to know and you to find out.” Lister fended Rimmer off with an exaggerated salute and waltzed out of the room.

  


The story ran thus: Technician Dave Lister had marched up to Officer Frank Todhunter in full view of at least ten people including Captain Hollister, taken his hand, and kissed it. “Dave! You’re…a bit early,” Todhunter had stammered, obviously confused.

“Let’s go out,” Lister had proposed by way of reply.

“Er…together, you mean?”

“Yeah, like on a proper date. Y’know, to somewhere other than your bedroom for once?”

Todhunter’s face had (every witness used the same simile) lit up like a Christmas tree, and they’d skipped off hand-in-hand to - this was where witness accounts diverged. However, all were agreed that the rest of the evening had played out in public.

Rather to his disappointment, Rimmer did not need to activate his inner Sherlock Holmes to find the answer to his question. By noon the next day, news of the blossoming romance had spread to all corners of the ship.

-

“Get on your knees.”

Todhunter snorted with laughter as he obeyed. Though Lister’s commanding tone wasn’t the worst he’d heard, it needed polishing, or maybe a dissociation from the cherubic face. “What next?”

Lister raised his eyebrows. “You know what next, Frank.”

“Maybe I’ve forgotten.”

“Come on, man…”

“Tell me.”

“For smeg’s sake,” Lister sighed impatiently. “I want you to suck me.”

“I thought you’d never ask.”

  


“It wasn’t very nice of you to laugh at me,” Lister told Todhunter afterwards in a mock-stern tone, pausing to kiss his swollen mouth after every other word.

Todhunter shrugged sleepily. “Mrm.”

“I need more practice, that’s all,” Lister yawned despite himself. “Give you a break from commanding and…officering.”

“Well, it’s an ad…admirable goal. Thanks, Dave.” Within a few seconds, Todhunter was snoring lightly with his head nestled on Lister’s shoulder. 

Lister nuzzled him and whispered, “Same time tomorrow?” then answered his own question by pressing a lingering kiss to his new husband’s cheek. _Not goodbye, but hello._


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> My plan was to write a short porny addition. It turned into something else.

**I. Before**

It was like a scene out of a porno, and they both knew it. The low-ranking technician, called into the superior’s office on a flimsy pretext, drops to his knees and performs duties which have not been mentioned in any JMC manuals or courses. Although they try and keep quiet, the thought of getting caught is somewhat exciting, especially to the technician.

Todhunter let out a pained noise as he watched Lister palming himself through his trousers. “Having fun?” he whispered, squeezing the dreadlocks in his hand a bit more firmly.

“Mm.”

“I like watching you,” he continued. There was something about Lister that made him rhapsodise on relatively small details, like how those full lips held his cock just so, how it felt to watch and feel them sliding up and down industriously, but not hurriedly, no, never - 

_Bzz._

“Someday I’m going to break the smegging buzzer,” Todhunter muttered. “Quick, get under - here, this should do it.”

As luck would have it, it was Rimmer, who had decided to drop off his latest report in person (so that it was absolutely, positively guaranteed to be heard, he said). Whenever his eyes rolled up to the ceiling during an illustration of Lister’s delinquency, Todhunter stole a glance down to where Lister was hidden, erection still clearly sticking out of the front of his trousers. _Please go away, please, please, please,_ he tried to beg Rimmer telepathically; it didn’t work.

Some fifteen minutes later, even with a sated, happy Lister wrapped in his arms, Todhunter silently cursed everyone and everything — almost. He didn’t really blame Lister for wanting to keep their liaison under wraps and no-strings-attached and all that smeg, but. But.

“I should go before Rimmer sends out a search party.” Lister gently disengaged from their embrace and dropped a quick kiss on his chin. “I don’t know if I can come tonight. I might have to show my face at the Copacabana before - well, you know.”

 _I know, I know,_ Todhunter thought grimly. _Mustn’t tell anyone._

  


**II. After**

“You know, Rimmer reckons I’m just using you.”

“Dave, _please_.” Todhunter rolled his eyes in an exaggerated fashion. “Must we bring Rimmer into this? Besides, didn’t he say the other day that _I_ ’m using _you_?”

“Yeah, something like that. Some smeg about ‘scandalous’ and ‘breach’ and ‘impropriety’. It was boring, really.”

“Well, I must confess…” Todhunter made a big show of looking around. “I don’t mind a bit of impropriety now and then.”

“Oh? Only now and then?”

Before Todhunter could reply, Lister pressed him back onto the desk and into a now-familiar position. “We never learn, do we, Frank?” he teased softly, his eyes shining with fondness. “I mean, someone might come in with a report at any moment, yet here we are. Again.”

“No, we never do.” With a great effort of will, Todhunter nodded toward where Lister had pinned him. “That said, I suggest getting on with it.”

“Tsk. So impatient.” Lister’s words belied the speed with which he was unbuckling, unzipping, and otherwise preparing to get on with it. Todhunter watched him with a strange sort of pride. Lister was hardly the Space Scouts type, supplied and prepared for anything at all times, but he was very efficient when it came to this. He was even precise with his teeth when he tore open the packet of lubricant. “I think we’re just about ready.”

Todhunter sighed and closed his eyes, tingling with happy anticipation as he felt Lister’s weight warm on his body. “I think you’re right, Dave,” he murmured tenderly. “I would say we - ”

 _Bzz._ “Frank?”

Lister froze. “Was that - ”

The complacent smile on Todhunter’s face was replaced by open-mouthed horror.

 _Bzz._ “Frank, it’s me.” Hollister sounded tired. “I see the Do Not Disturb sign, but I’m afraid it’s rather urgent.”

In the space of about three seconds, Lister managed to flee into the bathroom, while Todhunter pulled up his trousers. “Come in, sir,” he called tremulously, returning his belt to an acceptable state just as the door finished opening for Hollister.

“May I ask what this urgent matter is, sir?” Todhunter enquired, letting a small amount of annoyance peek through.

Hollister waved a clipboard at him. “I’ve received a report.”

 _Oh, for smeg’s sake._ “With all due respect, sir, Rimmer is - ”

“Not from Rimmer,” the captain interrupted. “While the person wishes to remain anonymous, they also wanted it to be made clear that they were not Rimmer or anything to do with him.”

“I see.” Todhunter had doubts that Hollister was telling the truth. His dating Lister had caused a stir, to say the least; on the other hand, who other than Rimmer would be bothered enough to file a report?

“The report alleges that you and Lister pollute the working environment of the ship with your - er, escapades,” Hollister read. “That it is unsanitary and unseemly for you to, and I quote, ‘have a toy-boy hidden in plain sight during office hours, ready to service him at any moment’…is this true?”

Todhunter gulped guiltily. He mentally replayed the past week; they had in fact had one “escapade”, but he didn’t see how anyone could have noticed Lister when he was curled up into a little ball under the desk and shielded by the chair. “I - couldn’t say, sir.”

“You couldn’t say,” Hollister repeated slowly, raising his eyebrows. 

“I couldn’t possibly - I mean, I certainly don’t believe that I’ve been negligent in my duties or failed to give my full attention to those who sought it.”

Hollister’s eyebrows climbed even higher. “No,” he admitted. “But see to it that there are no more reports of this nature.”

“Of course, sir.”

As soon as the door closed behind the captain, Todhunter sank into his chair and exhaled shakily. He sat staring at the floor until Lister walked over to his side and put a hand on his shoulder. “Frank? You all right?”

“Yes,” Todhunter replied tightly. “I didn’t expect…that.” 

“I know. Hey, if you want to stop doing this, we can.” Lister saw the horror in his eyes and hurried to engulf him in a hug. “I don’t mean _us_ , silly,” he soothed. “I mean meeting here, and in lifts, and - where else have we done it? Anyway, it’s not like we have to sneak around anymore.”

_Let’s go out._

_Er…together, you mean?_

_Yeah, like on a proper date._

“You’re absolutely right,” Todhunter’s voice declared of its own accord. “No more sneaking around. Will you marry me?”

He was never sure what made him say it or what Lister’s exact answer was. All he knew when he found himself back on the desk, gazing into his newly betrothed’s eyes, was that they’d made the right decision, spontaneous though it may have been.

“Dave, I - ” he pleaded incoherently. “I - I’m - please - ”

“Shh.” Lister stroked his hair. “Wouldn’t you rather wait?”

“Dave,” he growled, finding his words even as sensation and need overwhelmed him. “I hate it when - when you make me choose.”

“Tell me.”

“I’ll wait.” 

Lister gasped in his ear and buried himself painfully deep, and it was all he could do to keep a grip on his consciousness. He barely had time to catch his breath before he realised he had been helped into his chair.

“What are you…oh,” he groaned at the familiar sight of Lister sinking to his knees. What seemed like milliseconds later, he was lost in ecstasy, holding on to Lister’s locks as though to a lifeline.

“I love you, Dave,” he whispered when he could speak again. “I want to tell the whole galaxy that I love you.”

“Soppy bastard,” Lister chuckled. “I love you too, but inviting the whole galaxy might - ” _Bzz._ “Oh, no.”

Todhunter stopped him before he could dart into the bathroom again. “You’re not going anywhere. We just got engaged. That should be reason enough for you to be in my office.” He turned toward the door. “Yes?”

“Second Technician Rimmer, sir, here to file a report.”

“Oh, this should be good.” Lister grinned and straightened up. “You can come in, Rimmer!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to [Janamelie](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Janamelie/profile), [felineranger](http://archiveofourown.org/users/felineranger/profile), and [LordValeryMimes](http://archiveofourown.org/users/LordValeryMimes/profile) for our shared Lister/Todhunter madness.


End file.
